This quite possibly has been the worst summer I've had in a very long time when it comes to depression and mood swings. That's why I haven't been blogging or gaming or any of the things I typically enjoy. I'm off my Cymbalta...I gained 80 pounds while taking it...quit taking it and lost 40 pounds...I know I NEED to be back on it, but I honestly don't want to gain those 40 pounds back plus a few dozen more.
Its hard to know what to even type without whining and crying...but writing has always helped me, and while no one may ever read it, I need to get back into the swing of things. Hard to believe that from 2006-2009, my blogging actually gave us some much-needed "bonus" money. Its so hard to write now that sometimes those years seem like a distant dream.
My tumor markers continue to rise...they've been able to get me in for blood tests, but not to get my CT scan done...they've rescheduled that three times now (I'm on the third apt for the same CT scan I've been waiting on all summer). My symptoms got pretty bad over the summer, but the past week or two I've been better...almost no nausea and no vomiting at all. I'm still having daily nosebleeds (multiple ones), all from the right nostril, but other than that and the weekly migraine, things are actually looking up a little. I'm hopeful that I was just fighting some type of infection and that's what caused my tumor markers to be out of whack. My surgeon told me last summer that an infection could make the results "off."
I almost lost my sweetest cat, Tia, about three weeks ago. I noticed she had diarrhea one evening, and then she started vomiting...I sat up with her all night, thinking she wouldn't make it through til morning, but she did. Got her to the vet, he did all sorts of bloodwork and tests on her, gave her IV fluids and medication, and saved her life, but it was a very close thing...even he wasn't sure if she'd pull through. After repeat visits and labs, his diagnosis was that she'd been poisoned. The night she got sick, I was cleaning and decided to give one of our recliners to my cousin to open the room up a little more (we had 3 recliners, a huge sofa, and a computer table, plus a TV table and two end tables in one small living room...CLUTTERED), and I found a bunch of pills under the recliner...mostly Advil or Motrin (hard to tell the difference) and some white ones that I'm not sure what they were. Some had been chewed. When I told the vet that after he'd made his diagnosis, he said even just a little gnawing on one could make a cat deathly ill, and was pretty sure that's what she got into. To be on the safe side, I moved all the furniture in the room and vacuumed under it all and under the cushions. Fun times...and I should have waited for assistance...it took me a couple days to recover from moving it all by myself LOL.
Miss Gilda is expecting kittens...she's "pinked up" now and eating like a horse...and beginning to defend herself against the feline tyrant, Tia. Tia is the sweetest cat in the world...to humans. She can't stand Perry or Gilda, especially if I make the mistake of holding and petting one of them in front of her. Gilda is due October 11th...kittens ready just in time for Christmas. I'm hoping I do everything right and she has a healthy litter...even if its just one kitten, as long as it and Gilda are happy and healthy I'll be happy and (mentally) healthy myself ;)
That's about all that's going on here really other than the same old story of pain, pain, pain...and who wants to hear about that all the time.
I'm going to try to continue blogging and get back into the swing of things and start writing stuff that will actually be interesting again, but Ruby's 4th birthday is coming up very soon, and I tend to get pretty depressed around then, so I might not be back until Christmas...who knows? ;)